Hi, I was moved to a new department at work at the beginning of this week . In spite of staying professional and interacting with my new coworkers only for work purpose , they seemed really drawn to me and wanted to know more about me . I grounded and shielded before going to work . I set boundaries , still it didn’t work much . They were being nosy , asking me about my personal life and one female coworker particularly triggered me . I was on the verge of tears yesterday . I don’t know how I am going to cope on Monday . I am actively looking for another job . I am an introvert and don’t like to talk about my personal life as I have issues . Any advice please ? Thanks .
New coworker triggering me
Hi Sandy I'm not sure if what you are describing is a form of bullying but it feels like that to me. Suffices to say I am no stranger to bullying. I think being sensitive opens us up to it.
Remember being an Empath means that 99.99% of what you are feeling in close proximity to people is THEIR feelings. If you feel fear it is their fear not yours.
I have had great success with Elise's visualisation technique of a dial and knob I picture it and label it "Other people's feelings within a 10 meter radius" then with my eyes closed I turn it down slowly to one.
I have also adapted the label to my name Matthew in an attempt to see how I am really feeling but turn it up to 8 or 9 this is a work in progress.
Finally the biggest impact on the would be bullies in my life, was through the practice of Tai Chi. It took a long time, maybe five years, but it changed my life. I have been practicing for over fifteen years now. Seek it out, it is very subtle but if it suits you, for it is not for everyone, you will become stronger than you ever imagined and people like this Woman will be insignificant to you.
Good luck for Monday and the job seeking hugs Matthew
Nosy people have intent. When they talk you into revealing your personal life to them they are basically digging and attaching cords/connecting to you on an emotional level. Once that happens you're probably not going to feel well as an empath as you'll feel anxious and a bit sick. Just know that going forward. I usually am very brief and guarded with people like that and tactfully deflect the questioning back to them. If needed I'll do it in a complementary way that forces them to react and answer.
Transferring out of a tough office is an option. But you can't transfer every time as it gives you a bad reputation. As an empath, I think we are all continuing to grow. And eventually you really can raise yourself to a level where you are stronger than those people and they can't waltz in and effect you anymore. I'm hoping that I can get to share how she dealt with a whole office of difficult people. She should have some additional tips to share.
is right to tell you to deflect the questioning back on them, and in a way that forces them to answer. Try asking "Why do you want to know that?" If they have any manners at all, it will shut them up.
If that doesn't work, you can also ask them the same question they asked you and make light of it. Example: If a nosey person asks if you cook your own dinners and what kind of food do you eat....say something like, "Oh, my food is boring, but what do YOU like to cook and how often do you cook dinner for yourself? If they tell you, look bored, then say, "Oh", and walk off. The bottom line is to refuse to play their game.
I'm still awful at this and divulge a bit more than needed LOL. BUT, and there is a but. Always deflect back to them. Say it was good or you didnt do much and ask how theirs was. Let them do the talking. After a while they will forget about yours. If they want to say "oh she's boring and doesnt do anything" and it gets back to me? I just use my age or say why is it of anyone's business. *firmly*
Remember this. Whatever boundary you set for others, you have to set for yourself. I'm still trying to master this. But, here is the but, give them the chance to talk. Most of the time they don't care for you unless a chatty kathy looking for gossip.
Since yesterday , whenever that female coworker asked me questions I didn’t want to answer or give too much energy to , I simply nodded or said yes/no . At times , I just didn’t even respond .
Today , she was acting really bossy and picking on me way too much. I had no choice but to stand up for myself . I simple told her in a polite way “ you like being bossy towards me huh ?” She then asked me if I was angry . I didn’t respond and then she said sorry . I simply told her that just like she was talking , I also had the right to voice out my opinion .
I have to learn to set boundaries with people .
Excellent well done Sandy I believe you employed the "Grey rock"technique and deflection technique perfectly. One of the principals of Tai Chi is to use your opponents energy and deflect it. Allow their own weight to defeat them.
Am I allowed to say I'm proud of you?☺
Some excellent immediate practical advice from the others also.
An Empath has incredible potential power I feel you are beginning to tap into it. You go girl hugs Matthew
She is a toxic person and avoid as much contact with her. You called her out on her crap and she turned it on you. That right away is poor excuse of a human being and there are ALOT out like that best to avoid. And at work, keep your headphones in and just work. Eventually they move on to other people to taunt.
She is indeed a toxic person . I avoid interaction with her except when necessary for work . When I called her out on her crap , she smartly turned it on me . When she got no reaction , she had to say sorry .lol .
Today , also she picked on me a little on work issues . But I responded when needed to defend myself . I feel like I have to work on eggshells around her . I have to remind myself that I need to stand up for myself and have more self love